Well here it goes. The truth. 100%. Just my thoughts. My feelings. My stubborn attitude. My inability to let go of whatever it is you bring to the table. Here it is. Still. Several days and a whole "relationship" after the fact. My care that I wish I didn't give.
So. I love you.
Even when you're driving me crazy because you're confused and you don't understand what you're doing wrong, I still love you.
You made me brownies and even though I had told you a million times how much I didn't like brownies, I still loved you. I just laughed. It made me smile. You ALWAYS made me smile.
And sometimes I wonder what it was that ended us. I know we argued a lot, I agree that wasn't the way relationships should be, but why was that? I think it was a combination of two people having trouble trusting the other. I was always afraid that you didn't care and you were always afraid that I couldn't be trusted (for understandable reasons, at that, I wasn't exactly always the most innocent). But it was a vicious circle. With time you cared less because you thought I didn't care because I was constantly flirting with others, but the only reason I was flirting with others was because I thought you didn't care about me.
Now tell me why THAT picture is screwed up.
Because the bottom line is...I know you care. I know you do. You always did and you know when I realized that?
The other day my friends were looking through my stuff, like always and they came across your card. One of them and it was all perfect (in your typical fashion) and I realized, you know, no matter what someone who doesn't care doesn't do that. Someone who doesn't care doesn't put in that thought. That time. If I know anything about you, it's the importance of time management and I take up time and you still stayed by my side. You wouldn't have stayed around if you didn't care and it's time I believe that.
So I ended up flirting with boys because I was scared that you didn't care. I was too blind to see that you did.
So here it is--all out in the open. I love you. Sure, I could just pretend otherwise and continue on with whatever it is I usually continue on with OR I could just jump. Let you know. Here it is. Here I am. I'm sorry I wasn't trustworthy. I'm sorry I never believed in you. I'm sorry I never let you know that in reality I actually did believe in you. Because, in reality, I did not want to be with anyone else. I still don't. And I can't convince myself otherwise anymore. I've spent a lot of time pretending I wanted to be with other guys. Just accepting them. "He's nice. So. I'll give him a chance."
It wasn't like that with you. I just wanted to be with you. Period. And I still do. Period.
