Riveting tales told by...me :D

Slow it down, make it stop, or else my heart is going to pop

I wrote a pros and cons list. We'll call person #1 Jagannath and person #2 Ulf.

haha.

Baby name websites are funny.

I'm not going to name my pros and cons on this website. It's PERSONAL. ;]

LOLJK. I'm just lazy.

So...ANYWAY...today has been fairly anticlimactic (;]) as I've spent much of it so far cleaning and writing an essay about 9/11...

...

And that's it basically. I was up until 3 last night listening to Katie tell me overly descriptive stories and watching Kelsey spin in circles on the tile. I'm pretty sure one of these times our neighbors are going to get an angry mob together and show up outside our dorm, carrying pitchforks and shovels. (I wanted to write that thing that has fire on it, but I don't remember what it's called.)

Hm...

But mostly I've just tried to overly dramatize things in my head so I'll want to write something tragically bad, but wildly entertaining! I'm getting there, the pros and cons list helped. Kind of.

MEH.


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<3

^ Oh the wondrous things elementary school has taught me.

What if I named my children Jagannath and Ulf? Do you have friends when you acquire such horrific names?

Probably not.

I'M HUNGRY. GONNA GO FIND FOOD UNDER KELSEY'S BED. <3

"If I stay in one place I lose my mind, I'm a pretty impossible lady to be with." -Sometimes I love Kimya Dawson

So think about every romantic comedy you've ever seen. The most common plotline? The best friend. Girl and guy are best friends, guy loves girl, girl rejects guy until end of movie where girl realizes true love for guy and kisses him, marries him, etc...

Well, I think I'm slowly coming to the realization that this is my life. I mean, I don't know. I can never tell. Especially since I'm so far away from home, but it's like...I spent half a year "dating" someone while at the same time basically "dating" someone else and the whole time it was just weird because...I had a boyfriend.

But it was like, here's this other person who fits perfectly, but I'm not going to do anything about it because I'm "in love."

... (<---this is called and ellipsis by the way. <:D)


Sometimes I wonder if I'm mentally insane.

^_^

It's like whatever.

And when I say "in love" I mean, I was, but I was in love with the person I thought he was. Or the person he could be, or the person he might become. I wasn't in love with the person who didn't really pay all that much attention to me.

And I mean that in the least bitchy way possible. Because like, as a friend, I really do love him, he's just got some thinkin' to do.

(^If you were reading all of that, I'm sorry.)

<:D

Well, and THEN I got jealous when someone else dated him...really jealous. And I didn't say anything because I knew it was dumb, but I did. I'm so sick of feeling like a selfish bitch all the time when in reality I'm just generally retarded and a wee bit confused. And maybe I don't like my college guy at all, but really, I'm just excited to go home and watch "Dear Reader, Wizard People" with him and listen to his really useless facts.

:]

Eh. But that does not mean friends that I have nothing to complain about.

In other news, I'm pretty sure Kelsey secretly resents me. This is why, on the internet, I am formally surrendering (<---right now that doesn't sound like a word, but I'm sticking to it) to Kelsey. I don't know if I even really want him and I don't really feel like reigning in someone I'm sure about. And I know he wants her, a lot. So. Enough of this shit.

<3

I'm supposed to be studying for meteorology. PEACE.

^_^

Ya better shape up, 'cause I need a man, AND MY HEART IS SET ON YOU. <:D

If there was ever a day to blog, to rant, to write about meaningless subjects that will hold no meaning to my life in five years--today would be that day. My life really is devastatingly unfortunate now. I officially live in a trashy teen novel or else--some sort of...bad romantic comedy. And, yes, this sounds satisfactory, but really? No. It's mostly just annoying.

And you know what else is annoying?

Being nice.

I mean, if I was mean I would just do what I want. But see, I like my roommate and I get really protective over my friends and I am not going to date a boy who she has feelings for. I just won't.

I assume you would like some back-up, that is the few who are reading this. And by few I mean like...one. Or two. Everything will be up-front in time.

Time.

Meanwhile, Sandy is singing about being "hopelessly devoted" on the TV. I think I might stab myself with whatever nearby object will do the trick.

Eh. Die cheesy musicals.

So there's this person. And he likes my roommate. A lot. I tried, but I like him...as well. I knew that my roommate (her name is Kelsey, I know. It's bizarre) liked someone else, but she also likes this...person.

AND I WON'T BE THAT GIRL. I WON'T. I WON'T. I WON'T.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME....EH. I WANT TO SO BAD.

And I told her, "Go for it."

But that effing sucks, kind of. But I want her to be happy because I'm a GOOD person. Gah.

I cannot write about this. BE BACK LATER. <3

I HATE IT WHEN VELOCIRAPTORS CREEP OUTSIDE MY BEDROOM DOOR. GUHHH! DAMN FARMINGTON CAN'T TEACH 'EM ANYTHING!

Just read through some of my old posts and felt an overwhelming desire to vomit. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I love writing, but if anything it just documents your stupidity. It feels so good when everything's going your way, but once shit starts flying, it's just there--watching you, mocking you. "You had so much faith," it says deafeningly, "so much. Haha, such a waste of time that was."

Such a waste of time that was.

But if I remember one thing from economics, it was this--sunk cost. A cost that's irretrievable. That's me and David. Irretrievable, I can only move forward.

In other news, since I last blogged a couple of hours ago, we started watching Harry Potter and lounging around my dorm. Now, you all know how much I adore Harry Potter and I must keep shushing everyone to keep them quiet. Why do they not understand the importance? :]

LOLJK.

>:D

When I first tried to type that, I typed this ----> <:D

I can't really decide what that face is, but I don't think it's normal. ;]

I'm gonna pull some Lizzie McGuire shit on y'all for a moment, I hope you don't ditch me, but that's what a blog is for, RIGHT? To talk about useless shit for you ALL to NOT care about. HAH.

There's a velociraptor outside my room. Traci's boyfriend just tried to tell me otherwise. Silly people. I know a velociraptor when I hear one. Do they think I'm STUPID?

Chelsea's sitting right next to me, reading what I'm writing, so she's about to laugh at me. I find this amusing as I'm being stupid and dramatic. (It's true- Chelsea)

But it sucks already when you kinda like someone and he likes someone else, it really sucks when he likes TWO people.

And it sucks even MORE when the two people he likes are lounging on top of him on the bed next to you.

CHELSEA JUST TALKED ABOUT THE COWARDLY LION. STUPID BITCH.

THAT'S WHY I SLAPPED HER. I TAUGHT HER A LESSON. NEXT SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND DEAL WITH THE VELOCIRAPTOR.

"I forgot! I forgot!" WELL STOP FORGETTING. (She's a bitch- Chelsea)

So basically, I'm watching this person lie on top of his lovers, while lying with Chelsea. My love. (<3) However, I don't really want to have sex with her, so I still would like this other...person.

Damn. Why? Why? Why? (because sex is good)

Thanks for that riveting explanation, Chels. It really helped me figure things out.

I SWEAR I'M NOT BEING ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO JUST CAN'T BE ALONE. EVER. I SWEAR. ALKMOWEIJVJLFJSDOIKLSJDKJSDKLFJAWIOEVKLDJF. IT'S NOT JUST.

ANYONE.

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I SWEAR. BUT. THIS DAMN PERSON.

I REFUSE TO REFER TO HIM AS A HIM BECAUSE THEN I SOUND MORE LIZZIE MCGUIRE-ISH AND I REFUSE.

I REFUSE GOD DAMMIT.

<:D

<3

How about...what is it NOW? DUMBASS.

My life has gone from mildly amusing to down-right hysterical.

Other words that could describe it are: pathetic, unfortunate and disturbingly ironic.

Last night it hit me--the possibilities. I was single. Single. The state of singularity can be one of unhappiness or one of embrace and self-discovery. I mean, it's been a week and the more I think about it, the more I think about how little our relationship stood for.

Me and David's--I mean.

It's like, I spent so much time in my head thinking about what COULD be. What our relationship COULD stand of. Consequently, I read this cosmo article--"Have you found the ONE?"

Statement #5: "You're marrying the man he is today, not the man he may one day BECOME."

And then I realized it. I'm eighteen. I should be dating someone who really, really likes me. Someone who wants me, totally, COMPLETELY. Not someone who might one day when we're older and don't have "college" and "grades" to think about. I want someone who wants me, not someone who MIGHT want me SOMEDAY.

My mind found clarity--this is a positive thing. As a firm believer of fate, I knew if Daniel and I were supposed to be together we would be one day. But right now, that wasn't my plan. So acceptance came over me and I felt--almost--happy.

Single. Singularity--a time of unhappiness or self-discovery.

I choose self-discovery.

And if someone comes into my life, then great. However, if no one does--that's good too.

Sort of.

See. There's kind of this person. And I'm not gonna go into description because you all know my hatred for the Lizzie McGuire complex. But I don't know, I'm trying not to like him because it's probably not gonna happen, but every time I'm around him, it gets worse. Just grows inside me like some kind of tumor...or fungi. I practically hate myself. Or...disgust myself.

AM I A WHORE? I mean, my boyfriend and I of eight months JUST broke up. I feel like such an effing bitch. But...it just seems so...possible.

While completely impossible. Gawd. I'm so dramatic and stupid. Fuck you Lizzie McGuire complex.

But it's not like I'm over him, David. Every time he shows up on my news feed, something drops through my stomach. Like a brick, just plops and I feel a hole open. Wider and wider. Waiting to be filled. But knowing it won't happen.

I don't want to just fill a hole. I want someone else to fit. In a different way.

It'll happen, I know it will. I just need to be patient.

Dear God,

If you could send along a dashing, young fellow who is humble, attractive and sweet then that would be just fabulous.

Much love,

Kellsey

"It comes in waves, big ones, really close together." -Thank you Rory Gilmore!

Oh how naive! Oh how stupidly naive!

I'm feeling a bit cynical today, guys. Be prepared.

But, oh how STUPID. How young! How sweet! I thought I had gotten over this years ago. That whole immature teenage love thing--this was supposed to be different, grown-up. But ha, my friends, how young and stupid I really was. There was no growth in this relationship, no happiness. Just me thinking I was happy...

Because I was.

But see, all of that "happiness" kind of disappears when you discover that the other one wasn't. I thought I was happy because I was--indeed--happy. I loved the way we worked, I loved his inept boyfriendness, I loved his blue eyes, I loved being with someone who for once wasn't trying to get into my pants every second of the day and even though I joked about it--I was HAPPY with it that way. I loved the respect, I loved a million other stupid things that I could go into detail about right now, but that would just be UNHEALTHY. So I won't.

I just fucking loved him. And I'm not just saying that. It's not like that whole "he's a boy and I'm a girl"--I just loved the person he was and I loved when he allowed me to be part of that. This isn't like two relationships ago where I was waiting for the end, this wasn't like the last one when it was kind of bound to happen, this is just...heartbreak.

The worst part was it was SO expected, I was waiting for it to happen. For months. It always seemed possible. So when it actually did happen, it wasn't like it surprised me all that much--it was just...heartbreaking. Cliche? Yes. Fact? Yes.

If the earth could swallow me up and make it the least bit reminiscent of every girly disney sitcom then that would just be lovely.

I've lost my faith in humanity guys, it's official. My mother told me that I didn't have to find my husband right now and it's not like I was assuming me and David would be together forever, it's more just that I like the comfort of having someone there. Just incase. And the fact that I loved David as well was just a bonus.

FML. :o

And moreover, NOW this means my resident stalker--Richie Rich (to make a long story short, he lives upstairs and he's got the hots for me, recently broke up with his long-time girlfriend and was basically waiting for me to break up with mine)--is bound to jump my bones in no time at all. I DON'T WANT RICH, GUYS. I JUST DON'T. AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN WHEN IN REALITY I KNOW I'M NOT BEING ONE.

Ugh. FARMINGTON HAS TWO-THIRDS WOMEN, PEOPLE. SEVENTY PERCENT. THIRTY PERCENT MALES. WTF. AND MOST OF THEM ARE PROBABLY GAY.

I mean let's be serious. And there are very few attractive women on campus. I propose nunnery!

Gahhhhh. I shouldn't feel stupid...but I do.

In other news, I went to the Farmington Fair today. It was lovely. Pet cows, poked sheep, bought sunglasses, thought about going on scary carnival rides, didn't go on scary carnival rides, watched Katie be eaten by a baby cow. It was a good day.

But you know what wasn't good? The Wizard of Oz mural on the west side of the fair.

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DIE.