I'm feeling a bit cynical today, guys. Be prepared.
But, oh how STUPID. How young! How sweet! I thought I had gotten over this years ago. That whole immature teenage love thing--this was supposed to be different, grown-up. But ha, my friends, how young and stupid I really was. There was no growth in this relationship, no happiness. Just me thinking I was happy...
Because I was.
But see, all of that "happiness" kind of disappears when you discover that the other one wasn't. I thought I was happy because I was--indeed--happy. I loved the way we worked, I loved his inept boyfriendness, I loved his blue eyes, I loved being with someone who for once wasn't trying to get into my pants every second of the day and even though I joked about it--I was HAPPY with it that way. I loved the respect, I loved a million other stupid things that I could go into detail about right now, but that would just be UNHEALTHY. So I won't.
I just fucking loved him. And I'm not just saying that. It's not like that whole "he's a boy and I'm a girl"--I just loved the person he was and I loved when he allowed me to be part of that. This isn't like two relationships ago where I was waiting for the end, this wasn't like the last one when it was kind of bound to happen, this is just...heartbreak.
The worst part was it was SO expected, I was waiting for it to happen. For months. It always seemed possible. So when it actually did happen, it wasn't like it surprised me all that much--it was just...heartbreaking. Cliche? Yes. Fact? Yes.
If the earth could swallow me up and make it the least bit reminiscent of every girly disney sitcom then that would just be lovely.
I've lost my faith in humanity guys, it's official. My mother told me that I didn't have to find my husband right now and it's not like I was assuming me and David would be together forever, it's more just that I like the comfort of having someone there. Just incase. And the fact that I loved David as well was just a bonus.
FML. :o
And moreover, NOW this means my resident stalker--Richie Rich (to make a long story short, he lives upstairs and he's got the hots for me, recently broke up with his long-time girlfriend and was basically waiting for me to break up with mine)--is bound to jump my bones in no time at all. I DON'T WANT RICH, GUYS. I JUST DON'T. AND I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN WHEN IN REALITY I KNOW I'M NOT BEING ONE.
Ugh. FARMINGTON HAS TWO-THIRDS WOMEN, PEOPLE. SEVENTY PERCENT. THIRTY PERCENT MALES. WTF. AND MOST OF THEM ARE PROBABLY GAY.
I mean let's be serious. And there are very few attractive women on campus. I propose nunnery!
Gahhhhh. I shouldn't feel stupid...but I do.
In other news, I went to the Farmington Fair today. It was lovely. Pet cows, poked sheep, bought sunglasses, thought about going on scary carnival rides, didn't go on scary carnival rides, watched Katie be eaten by a baby cow. It was a good day.
But you know what wasn't good? The Wizard of Oz mural on the west side of the fair.
alwjevoiwjVIEOJJKFJALSDJOIVJWKAJFLKDJLJFOIWEAJVKLFJDLFAJWOIEJVKJFIEWJVLKJLKJSDFJOEWIJFKLDAJKLFJKDLJ
DIE.
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