“I’M flying off the handle?!” Olivia hollered. In anger, Shaun thought that Olivia could rise three feet in size. “I’M FLYING OFF THE HANDLE?!? You show up in MY city. In MY café. In MY apartment and, what? I’m just supposed to be thrilled you’re here to screw everything up again?”
Like that. A stand still.
Shaun sighed. “I’m not trying to screw everything up.”
“Well, WHAT then!?” Olivia’s face flushed—she felt uncomfortably warm. Suddenly, she let a growl burst from her mouth. “Gosh, Shaun, it’s like you just think I wait here for you and I’m sure as hell trying to move on to SOMETHING.”
Shaun was speechless. “I wasn’t trying to encroach upon ‘your’ city,” he attempted to explain.
“Well, why’d you come then?” Olivia asked.
“Hailey wanted me to.”
“EXACTLY,” she screamed. “Hailey, YOUR GIRLFRIEND, wanted you to come, so why don’t you go spend some time with her?”
Shaun felt so unsatisfied, so wrong. “Hailey,” the name rang in his mind, “your girlfriend.” Two things he had NEVER hoped to hear together. He hadn’t wanted to date Hailey. He was twenty-one. He was supposed to be engaged to Olivia, planning a summer wedding, picking names for their children and falling asleep on the couch. It was like there were two realities. One where all was right and Olivia and Shaun were together. Getting married, having babies, growing old and the other where they weren’t. Floating. Yelling. Crying. Screaming. Because they couldn’t think of anything else to do. They were just passing time. Taking classes “they thought were interesting.” Preparing themselves to “start a career.” These were all level-headed decisions. Shaun and Olivia weren’t level-headed. They were all about thinking on the spot and, while it wasn’t the right decision for everyone, it was the right decision for them.
“Fuck,” Shaun swore. “I really wish that made less sense.”
Olivia stared at remote spot ahead of her. The hard-wood floors. “Would you just go already?”
He studied her movement. It was like watching a fucking science experiment.
“Shaun?”
“Yes?”
“Go see Hailey.”
He closed his eyes. “No.”
“Damn, why not?” Olivia asked. She dropped her arms. “Why won’t you leave me alone? Why won’t you give it UP? We gave it a try. We really gave it a try and it failed. It’s over.”
“No, it’s not,” Shaun said.
She sighed. “Why not?”
“Because anything that requires this level of drama is NOT over,” said Shaun. He took a few strides forward until he was directly in front of her, staring down into the reflection of her glassy green eyes. “I’m not here to make any life decisions. I don’t want to rush anything. I just want you to see that I’m thinking about you.”
“Well thanks for making things extra complicated, once again!” Olivia snarled. She walked over and took a seat on the lumpy couch—a distasteful beige. Shaun gulped and thought quickly. What was he trying to say? “I mean, honestly, do you believe any of the words that come from your mouth, or do you just say them anyway?”
Shaun stood, his arms swinging at his sides. “Well, I do believe them,” he said, “Mostly because they’re true.”
“Oh bullshit,” Olivia glared at him. “You don’t want to be with me anymore than Hailey. You’re just scared. Do me a favor—go sleep with your girlfriend and then see if you want to be with me. Might level out your hormones a bit.”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Shaun ordered and walked over to her. “It took a lot of nerve for me to get off my ass and stop sulking and actually come over here and talk to you, so at least factor that in. Do you think this is easy? Do you think it’s easy for me to admit this all to you?”
Olivia cleared her throat. “You haven’t admitted anything to me.”
Shaun closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with his forefinger and thumb. “You’re a real pain in my ass, you know?”
Olivia positively ignited with anger, standing up from the couch. “THIS IS MY CITY!”
“THIS IS A FREE COUNTRY!”
“GO BACK TO MIAMI!”
“I SHOULD! There are lots of single, stupid women there who will just have sex with me!”
Olivia stomped over to him and shoved him backward. “WELL THEN DO IT!”
Shaun sighed. “I DON’T WANT TO JUST HAVE SEX WITH YOU!”
Olivia smiled. “Well, gee, thanks for the confidence booster.”
“Don’t take it that way,” Shaun said. He dropped his shoulders and rubbed his left eye. “I would love to have sex with you. Any time. Any day.”
She dropped her jaw. “Ew. Pig.”
“GOD, OLIVIA,” Shaun screamed. “LET’S JUST GET MARRIED. OKAY? MARRIED?”
Olivia furrowed her brow. “Yeah, OKAY.”
Shaun sighed and took a deep breath. “I’m not kidding.”
It didn’t seem possible, as Olivia quickly thought over this proposition, that the two realities could collide and make one seamless uncomplicated world. Olivia and Shaun—married, happy. This was something they both wanted, but it was just impossible. No one had ever annoyed Olivia as much as Shaun and no one had ever angered Shaun as much as Olivia. Just throw in a few well placed bruises and you had a case for domestic abuse. For both of them.
You can’t always get what you want.
“What do you mean you’re not kidding?” Olivia asked. “Of course you’re kidding. We can’t, we wouldn’t, it’s not that easy-,”
“I’m twenty-one and, last time I heard, you are too,” Shaun pointed out. Olivia pushed her lips together so tightly they nearly disappeared. “We can do whatever the fuck we want to do! We don’t need to over think our lives. Everything’s open to us. We can do this.”
Olivia sighed and rolled her eyes. Blue. So much damn blue.
“Shaun,” Olivia said, “I can’t just marry you.”
He dropped his shoulders. “Come on, just think about it.”
“I like Derek.”
“You love me.”
“I’m not having sex with you!”
“Good! I have a lifetime of it ahead of me! We’re gonna get married anyway!”
Olivia squinted at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you insane?”
“Yes, a little,” Shaun admitted. “But if I were level-headed, I would never be happy.”
She paused in her insistent debate.
Shaun could practically hear a door open—Olivia was speechless. He would write about it in a diary when he arrived home. “Look, Olivia,” he said, “I know this is crazy. It’s always been crazy. But if you don’t marry me now, I don’t care how long it will take, but I will marry you. Anytime, anywhere, one day we will be married.”
“How do you know I’ll give in?” she asked calmly. Her green eyes glazed over.
Shaun shrugged. “Because I inadvertently found you in the largest city in Massachusetts,” he laughed. “The twentieth in the world.”
“Country,” she said.
“What?”
“You said twentieth in the world,” Olivia explained. “Boston is the twentieth largest city in the country.”
They both laughed awkwardly—Shaun with his hands in his pockets, standing, back straight and legs a shoulder-width apart and Olivia arms crossed and eyes glazed. Shaun looked up at her.
“Are you going to marry me, Olivia?”
“Shaun-,”
“I don’t have a ring,” Shaun said and shrugged. “But that’s because I’m twenty-one and poor.
It’s no excuse and I’ll get one, but I’m sorry if that makes me lame.”
Olivia sighed. “Shaun-,”
“Olivia,” he said, “I love you.”
“Shaun-,”
“But I love you.”
Olivia covered her face with her hands and then dropped her arms. “Okay, you need to go,” she decided, literally pushing him towards the door.
“But-,” Shaun stopped, “an answer?”
With Shaun standing a foot outside the door, Olivia sighed. “Goodbye Shaun.”
And she slammed the door.
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