Olivia felt her heart fill up with a sense of familiar. This had happened, what? A dozen times before? But this time it felt different. Angrier, quicker. Impatient. It was like inside their timers were ringing. It was wrong, it was all so wrong. The lives they had both believed they would live so sincerely were gone. Their life. Gone. They had been warming up to this idea for ages, nothing forgotten, only buried. Now it all seemed caught up, they were supposed to be engaged, happy, wedding planning. Anxiously awaiting the time where they could have guilt-free sex (and guilt-free babies.). It was all wrong. So very wrong.
“What do you think I’m here for, Liv?” Shaun’s voice was deep, tired.
Olivia watched a remote spot ahead of her. “Hell if I know.”
“Come on,” Shaun coaxed. He stepped a little closer to her, until the tips of his boots were resting against her moccasins. He towered over her, the freckle-face of his childhood crush and the woman he was still wanted to marry. The woman he was supposed to marry. It had seemed destined since middle school. Or maybe that was just naivety. All things were possible.
He wanted to marry her.
But Olivia was difficult—so difficult. Even with all of Shaun’s skill.
He looked down at her and tapped the tip of her chin with his forefinger. She directed her glance up and took a deep breath. Always taken aback by the same things—one of which were the eyes. Blue. So much fucking blue. Olivia rolled her eyes.
Shaun’s pupils dilated, but Olivia only scowled up at him.
“What do you want, Shaun?” she asked and turned her face from him. It was such a complex feeling; she couldn’t even tell if it was love anymore. She wasn’t going to marry a man because she wanted to have sex with him, that seemed all too idiotic, but at the same time sounded like it would be fun, for the lack of a better word. That is for the minute and a half it would actually work. It was such an infuriating feeling, that one, she thought. That one when she was so sure, so convinced she would marry him. They were going to be twenty-two, their flowers would be daisies, the ceremony would take place at her church, in their town on the third of May. But now, everything was different.
And Olivia wasn’t so sure that she WASN’T okay with that. She liked Derek. He had red hair too, her mother had already set her heart on having beautiful red-haired freckly grandchildren, whereas the offspring of Olivia and Shaun would have been extremely English and extremely dark-haired, light skin, freckled nosed and, most importantly, blue-eyed.
Or else, that’s what Olivia always hoped. I mean, if she was going to let the dominant traits of Shaun Somebody take over the DNA of her future child, she at least hoped that would include his blue eyes.
And suddenly, she was insane again. Confused. Amorous. Angry. Extremely angry. She wanted to marry him. She always had. She didn’t want red-headed children all that much anyway. She wanted Shaun’s children, no matter what that meant.
She wanted his blue eyes. She didn’t want them to go away again. When they did she dreamt, literally dreamt of them and forgot about them in the morning when she woke up. Something always felt out of place, just very strange. And she always had a bittersweet feeling when she woke up. So calm, collected and pleasant, but at the same time unsatisfied. Like she couldn’t wait to fall back asleep again, even though she couldn’t remember what she had been dreaming about anyway.
“Olivia,” Shaun said, his voice indignant. “You know what I’m here for.”
Olivia bit her upper lip. “What do you want?” she asked and walked close to him again. “Do you want to sleep with me?” she shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe you just want to make things a little bit more complicated.”
He furrowed his brow and closed his eyes for a moment. She waited diligently for them to open again. “No,” he said tiredly. “How can you even believe that? You know me better than that. You know I’m not an asshole and you sure as hell know I’m not going to take advantage of you. When has that ever happened? When have I ever tried to just sleep with you?”
“Well, you certainly don’t want to be with me. You have a girlfriend.”
“You have a boyfriend!”
“And so, what are we talking about?”
Shaun stopped. “We’re talking about-,” he stopped and thought back. “Okay, stop this is crazy. We’re not even talking about anything. You’re just flying off the handle for nothing.”
[I WILL CONTINUE THIS MOMENTARILY WHEN MY INSPIRATION IS BACK. OR AFTER I GET SOME CAFFEINE INTO MY SYSTEM. :D]
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