WHY IS EVERY BOY I MEET GAY?
No. Really. This is a dilemma.
It's such a dilemma that I would consider it as number four. NUMBER FOUR. ARE YOU SERIOUS? I mean, see, the real problem is that the ones who AREN'T gay, still...are. My boyfriend is. Let's be honest. I tried to explain to him one day, while walking to class after lunch, that it doesn't matter how many girls you have on your arms if you're singing showtunes. Just sayin'.
Yeah. Haha. NOT FUNNY.
And this isn't the first one. My first gay boyfriend was Robert. Didn't come out of the closet until after we started dating. Our relationship lasted a week, exactly. I remember, it was a Wednesday to a Wednesday. WTF? NOT COOL. However, I don't know why I was so surprised. He once told me he wasn't sure what his plans would be for the night because he didn't know if he wanted to, "Go to the cast party or see the Hannah Montana movie." I mean, let's be honest. I should have seen that one coming.
My mother warned me too. Again and again and again. However, she loved every minute of it. So many jokes came from this one-week relationship. I made her promise to stop making fun of us and then he broke up with me. Meh. Eff that.
"Kellsey, I think I'm falling in love with you." BULLSHIT. Bull. Shit.
And THEN, I started dating David "who is equally homosexual." (I put it in quotes because Mary is sitting next to me and being a BITCH and "DEMANDS recognition for her words.") :D I mean...he doesn't technically like boys...as far as we know, but he's still pretty gay.
Okay, if you just read that and you know me...
Don't let it be spread around.
AND WHY ARE THEY ALL SO DAMN SENSITIVE ABOUT THEIR MASCULINITY. If David read that he'd be pissed. So very angry. I KNOW YOU'RE NOT GAY.
When we first started dating I took to calling him "Gayvid" which I found to be very clever if I do say so myself, but David didn't really warm up to it and actually started getting angry and so I stopped.
I'm kind of a bitch. I guess. Like whatever.
And that doesn't even count all of my gay friends, just friends, who come out to me and tell me their secrets. And discuss their crushes. I remember the first one who came out of the closet to me. Well, I was the second person who heard. It was in the seventh grade.
And it was all downhill from there.
WTF? My mother actually suggested when she found out I was going to be a creative writing major in college that I take at least one engineering class. "You're not going to meet any heterosexual people, Kellsey." Those were the words of my MOTHER. SHE'S even worried. What? Am I going to get sucked into some homosexuality vortex? Am I going to become a lesbian? Will more boys lay out there souls for me? Ugh. Dear God.
No really. Dear God,
It would be cool if I could meet some heterosexual guys some time in the future. Or else. Well. My head might explode.
Much love,
Ginger Snaps. :D
(I called myself Ginger Snaps because I have red hair. Thought that might make things a little less confusing. No. Actually, it's probably still pretty weird. Whatever. I don't really care.)
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